Parents’ Corner


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Youth face significant challenges and are pulled in many directions. Those directions can be positive: school, athletics, arts, etc., or negative: crime, delinquency, gangs, etc. The purpose of this Web site is to help parents and others discover positive resources for our youth.

Some parents have questions about how to steer their children in a positive direction. The first step is to talk to them. Talking to youth about their fears and the choices they have, can help prevent them from heading in a negative direction. Research indicates that parents play a pivotal role in influencing youth to make positive choices. Action has far more impact than words. Many times, a parent doesn’t have to say anything to his or her children for kids to do the right thing; modeling the way for children can be just as effective.

While the City of Federal Way does not have a serious problem with gangs, there is gang activity. Youth are drawn to gangs to be around friends and family members who are already a part of the gang. They are looking to belong. They also join for the presumed safety they believe the gang can provide them. Additional reasons include peer pressure, intimidation, and excitement. Youth who are attracted to gangs are looking for belonging, money, and fun.

UniteFW addresses the following questions you might have as a parent or a community member. Are any of these questions on your mind?

What are the signs of gang activity?

A gang is three or more people who share a unique name and mark or symbols, who associate together on a regular basis, who have a chain of command, and who engage in antisocial, unlawful, or criminal activity to further the gang’s social or economical status.

The emergence of significant gang activity can destroy the quality of neighborhood life. Gang presence may cause certain neighborhoods to deteriorate physically and socially. The process often begins with minor evidence of disorder. Accumulating litter, public consumption of alcohol, rowdy groups of individuals, and acts of vandalism may lead to greater disorder, increasing crime, declining property values, and vacated buildings. The police and area residents must work in conjunction with one another to maintain the integrity of the neighborhood. Active maintenance of the neighborhood, the use of crime prevention techniques and devices, and consistent reporting of suspected criminal behavior to the police will help deter gang activity.

Today, sophisticated gangs operate at local, national, and even international levels. Some of the illegal activities carried out by gangs include high-stakes narcotics trafficking, weapons trafficking, gambling, robbery, and other serious crimes. They commit these crimes to support themselves and the gang. Gangs are mobile and fast, which is what makes them all the more dangerous. Gang activity is not limited to downtown areas or poor neighborhoods, they can be found anywhere. If you spot graffiti of a particular design on fences or buildings in your area, don’t hesitate to inform the police as this may be a sign of gang activity. Also, a sudden increase in illegal activities and crime rate in your neighborhood may indicate the possibility of gang activity.

cleaning graffiti

Gang related graffiti may be the first sign that there are gangs in the community. Gangs use graffiti as their "newspapers," their way of marking boundaries and warning rival gangs. Graffiti is the daily news of gangs where challenges are made and accepted, territory is marked, and gang life is glorified. Graffiti may also be used to advertise the selling of drugs. If left unchecked, graffiti will spread. Graffiti must be removed as soon as it is observed. You can visit the City of Federal Way’s website, or call 253-835-2617 to report graffiti. The City removes graffiti from city property within 24 hours and recommends residents do the same.

Each gang has their own laws and customs within the gang. Some gangs adhere to strict dress codes. The way the clothing is worn and the color of the clothing varies with the individual gangs. Tattoos are not a tell-tale sign that the wearer is a gang member. Though many gang members do wear tattoos, some do not. Most gangs use hand signs to identify their gang and as a form of communication.

How prevalent is the problem? Am I, my family, or my business at risk?

Currently, gangs are not much of a problem in Federal Way, but there is some activity in our community. They have not claimed a “turf,” but are transient and mainly operate out of their vehicles. There are also a number of apartment complexes in Federal Way that have experienced gang activity. You and your business at likely not at risk, but gang members may target your kids to join or affiliate with them.

How do I talk with my child about gangs?

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Focus on self worth and mutual respect. Gangs are quick to offer youth support, show them that they care, and create a sense of order. Strive to meet those needs beforehand. Talking to your child also means listening and taking what they say seriously. Talk about positive role models or heroes, both alive and deceased: Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, etc. You can use movies to help bring home your points. When they start identifying with the role models mentioned, then they will see the gang less as a positive impact. Let them know you appreciate their questions and talking with you.

Is my child at risk of joining a gang?

In addition to the reasons for joining a gang discussed above, there are many risk factors. These factors include living in an area with high levels of gang activity, lack of a positive support system after school, lack of alternative activities, lack of respect for authority, alcohol or drug abuse, and exposure to music, TV shows, and movies that glorify gangs and violence.

What can I do to prevent my child from being involved in gangs?

Make it your duty to know what your children are doing, who their friends are, and know their whereabouts throughout the day. If possible, get to know their friends’ parents before you agree to sleepovers and parties. While the gang is advertising the perks of joining a gang, you can talk to your children about the negative side of gang involvement. Part of prevention is discipline and saying no to activities that can lead to negative consequences.

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Talk to your child. Ask if they are considering or being pressured to join a gang and why. Avoid being quick to judge. Let your child know that you disapprove of gangs and do not want to see him or her hurt or arrested. Talk to them about ways to deal with peer pressure. If a friend asks your child, “If you are my friend you would…,” your child can respond, “If you were my friend, you wouldn’t ask.” Define the rules your child must follow and enforce them. Children and teenagers need to know clearly what is expected of them and the consequences for acting otherwise. Make time to spend with your children separately and as a family. Eat meals together, take trips, visit the local park or museum together, and have family meetings to talk about plans, feelings, and complaints. Seek outside help if your child won’t talk, is difficult to communicate with, or if you suspect he or she is lying.

How do I teach my elementary/middle school/high school kids to respond?

Teach positive decision-making skills. Teach and reinforce that the decisions they are making today will affect their futures. Teach students to understand and respect laws and law enforcement and to understand that the legal system is in place to protect, not just to punish. Teach students how to recognize positive and negative social influences. Teach students how to be advocates for themselves, how to watch out for themselves, and how to say “No.” Offer options for students (where to go when they do not feel safe, what to do when friends are involved in unhealthy activity, etc.). Help students to build on their strengths and develop confidence (this confidence will span across many areas of their lives). Demystify gangs and talk about the media portrayal of gangs and money. Praise your kids when they are trying hard in class or demonstrating positive social behavior. Encourage your kids to safely express emotions. Show your kids how you respect yourself and respect life…they will learn from your example. Acknowledge kids’ life pressures and stressors.

How do I know if my child is becoming involved in a gang?

Signs that a child is involved in a gang could be withdrawing from family, changes in attitude, declining school attendance, performance, or behavior, staying out late without permission, confrontational behavior, and an unusual desire for secrecy. Other signs include drastic changes to hair or dress style and/or an unusual interest in one or two particular colors of clothing or logo, use of hand signals to communicate with friends, withdrawing from longtime friends, the presence of weapons, physical injuries, and unexplained cash or goods.

Where can my kids go after school before I get home from work?

Our Youth Programs and National Programs pages offer a number of places your kids can go. One example is the King County Library Study Zone which offers a place in your local library for students to study, do homework, and get help with their questions. Volunteer tutors provide free homework help during Study Zone hours. Check their website for days and times. The Federal Way Americorps offers academic tutoring before and after school. They have four community based programs and numerous programs in the schools. If your kids want to attend a cooking or art class, participate in athletics, play games, have the use of a music studio, or just hang out in a safe environment, there is the Federal Way Boys & Girls and EX3 Teen Center. There is much more available, so check out our resources pages.

How do I encourage my kids to pick the right friends?

Encourage them to choose friends with whom they have something in common (sports, video games, music, etc.). Advise them to not discriminate when choosing friends, but to be cautious. Maintaining their identity throughout a friendship, without sacrificing to a great extent, should be paramount. Show interest in their friends and ask about the things they do together as friends. If you have any concerns about their friends, your children are more likely to listen if you have already shown an interest.

Am I in an area with gang activity? What areas should I avoid?

Talk with the people in your community who would know - police, teachers, politicians, youth-based community service organizations, etc. Or use this guide to develop an assessment for Federal Way.

What actions will prevent gang activities in our community?

It is important for all members of your neighborhood to assume a sense of shared responsibility to prevent gangs and gang activity. Get to know your neighbors. Start a Block Watch. Active maintenance of the neighborhood, the use of crime prevention techniques and devices, and consistent reporting of suspected criminal behavior to the police will help deter gang activity. See some ideas here. Or click here for information on how to start a neighborhood watch program. Also, see how the Safe City program is helping keep our community safe.

What help is available if we need it?

The police are a good resource and can give guidance and help. For other resources in the community, be sure to check out our Youth Programs page. For other information on gang prevention, see the Additional Resources pages. Also see the City of Federal Way’s Community Programs. Plus, take a look at some efforts to improve the safety of our city already underway.

How should I respond if I notice gang activities?

Report it. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. In Federal Way, for Crime Prevention, call the following numbers: For apartments (253) 835-6710, for residential (253) 835-6720, for business (253) 835-6706.